A genetic ode, or A melan coli tale
March 29, 2005
by Donald Nicholson‡
From the School of Medicine, Leeds University, Leeds L52 9JT, United Kingdom


I used to be a coli, as wild as wild could be.
They called me Proto Trophic, whatever that would be.
They kept me pure and simple and completely free from faults
And fed me on the simplest food... glucose and common salts.

Then Lederberg and Tatum came and put me in the sun
And watched me very closely to see what harm they’d done.
Although they hadn’t killed me they had really hurt my pride
And though I looked quite normal I was quite upset inside.

Next day they tried to feed me with my normal sort of food
But they found I couldn’t use it in the way I always could.
Glucose I could metabolise–in that I was proficient,
But in synthesising valine they soon found I was deficient.

They couldn’t find their valine so they went to biotin
And till they thought just what to do they kept me dietin’.
Then foresight and discernment made this lecturer and Prof.
Enrich my food with Oxo cube and call me Oxo Troph.

They called another doctor and they all discussed my case,
And decided that my DNA must have displaced a base.
They all seemed quite excited and I heard Doc Tatum say,
“Another dose of sunshine might upset more DNA.”

They gave me 80 seconds of the brightest light I’d seen,
And I knew a UV photon had displaced another gene.
I remember seeing Lederberg– eyes gleaming through his specs
Excitedly tell Tatum that I’d now acquired a sex.

Then Lederberg asked Tatum if he could foretell my fate
And Tatum thought my only hope was to acquire a mate.
So they gave me you dear Effplus, knowing you alone could right
The little bits of DNA that suffered in that light.

There’s just two things I ask you if you really care for me
One little gene for valine– one for fertility.
Your genotype’s just perfect to revitalize my strain
And I know you will co-operate to make me wild again.

Be warned O Human Beings by this melan coli ode
You who think you are so clever cracking our genetic code.
There’s a moral in this story–I will tell you what it means:
IF YOU STRIP TOO MUCH TO SUNBATHE, YOU MAY LOSE A PAIR OF JEANS.

DON'T QUIT

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
Whe he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

A BLOOD MEAL ???

by Norby Bautista

A Bat returned to his cave

A vampire, strong, black and brave

Hangs to the roof, for a night's rest

To sleep well, for tomorrow's best.

He was dirty, wet with blood

His friends smelled him, foul as mud

They asked him:"Where did you feed?"

All frenzied... excited by his deed.

"Oh leave me alone!" He said;

"My body aches, from foot to head."

But they all kept on asking.

The whole bat gang, now waking.

"Alright!!! You all follow me!"

After this, night sleep, give me.

He detaches from the cave

Flew out, with the strenght he saved.

The whole bat swarm followed him

Like thousands of fish that can swim.

Darkening the sky, like smoke;

Each bat lethal and no joke.

Straight out into the darkness

Zigzaging in the wilderness

Across the mountain and valley

And stopped in a rocky alley.

"See that big sequoia tree?"

All eager for a meal, that's free.

They said: "Yes!!!" (All salivating...)

"Well, I DID NOT! I crashed on that TREE!!!"